The Bird That Couldn't Fly

We are half way through this miraculous year yet another half to get through. How many of us would survive this and come out strong is a thought that lingers in my mind round the clock. Call it mid-week madness or long held frustration, I really had to vent my feelings out before they erupt in a recalcitrant manner. What better way to share them, than through this channel!

In my previous blog, I mentioned that I am going to be a fine feather this decade and that my glorifying personality helps me move on from disappointing things in a jiffy. To all this that I have written, I just want to ask myself - WHOM WAS I KIDDING? I had a nervous breakdown and couldn't come to terms on certain aspects of life until I was forced to accept the changes and of course, move on. Well, I am proud that I sought help. But, but, but, where does that leave me now? I have no clue!

Those of you who know me for a longer duration would be well aware of the fact that I don't stay at a place which isn't healthy, positive or happy. I never was someone who stands somewhere that disrupted my happiness. Yet, here I am, stuck at an organisation from the past couple of months because I thought this is the process of growing up. At least that is what I was told. You stay, adjust, adapt and never quit. These methods and thoughts that people induce in our heads find me lost, most of the times. 

I fail to understand how are we growing up when we are not courageous enough to quit something we don't like, move away from people that are toxic, walk out from situations that are hostile and the inability to gift ourselves the tranquility that we deserve. Well, this just makes me wonder, are all those stipulated rules that we have been taught to abide by, all the rituals that were enforced upon, all the believes that were thrust on, of any good? Do we obey the practices taught just to please the society and assure ourselves that we belong, like the rest of them do? Or do we really understand most of these and observe them out of respect?

I have been humored on multiple occasions by many a people for switching jobs and career way too often, however, that sarcasm never bothered me; for, I was always a happy soul and my focus has always been a merry mind. Switch and swap gave me a long run of delightful life, until I fell for these traps of "growing up". I feel I was grown up before, where I knew my priority was me and my content. Now, it feels like life is taking me backwards and I am struggling to find my foot and pace with it in the right direction; the direction that brings in nothing but cheerfulness. 

One might feel it's mindless to pursue nothing but happiness and may also suggest that it is not possible to lead a gleeful life forever. As someone who had once achieved this, I know for a fact that it is nothing that cannot be executed. The determination, direction and strength, would take us a long way, farther away and beyond. Like Swamy Vivekanada said and I quote, our thoughts travel faster than that of words and we are what our thoughts have made us. Well, my thoughts are pertaining to happiness and happiness alone, at all times. I beseech the contentment for The Not So Ordinary Boy, Simba and I, now and forever; health and prosperity would instinctively follow.

Well, with all this mighty gyaan one must wonder why I am still holding myself back at a place I am not keen about. The answer I am unaware of either. The real challenge to self is to understand for how many more months or years(hopefully not) would I be able to prioritize these mediocre things over what is more important for me! 

Next time we catch up, I hope and wish I started to "grow-up" like I once did years ago! Until then, adios amigos! Take care and don't let Corona eat you up physically or mentally. We will all meet at the other side soon. :)

The Broken Girl - Series #4

I knew it was a long time since I last blogged but little did I know that my old blog belonged to an older era altogether.

From blogging, my passion drifted to photography and then to cooking, to doodling and now felt the sudden urge to blog again! Well.. I have segmented my interests into various pockets and developed an intense determination that I would pursue all these in an unbiased form. That being that! 

What motivated me to blog today was my morning's protein shake in which I lavishly added the King of Fruits. Post my Asthma diagnosis, I was asked by the medical supervisors to stay away from all the seasonal fruits and vegetables. Due to which, I haven't had the chance to even nibble mango for over 3 years now. However, since the last 2 weeks, I have consumed all the god damn food which I was asked to avoid and had the royal bites of everything edible within my reach. 

When my Asthma first triggered, we weren't even aware that it was Asthma. The cough, sputum, dizziness, none of it made any sense to us, until my mom decided to send me to a family doctor who again was, unfortunately and unexpectedly unavailable. That fugitive transit to the clinic and back home had an adverse affect though. While huffing and puffing with congestion, my aunt, whom I dearly refer to as "Uma Pinni", was the one who rightly identified the condition to be Asthma. 

By the time the diagnosis was done and I was rushed to the hospital, I was completely breathless with my body gazing at the world in it's ink-blue color. From that day, I have come very far now. All that day gives me is, shivers and goosebumps. Not to this horrendous extent, but a minute trigger scared the hell out of me a fortnight ago. My husband(well, the Not-So-Ordinary-Boy and I got married, FINALLY) had to rush from work while I was accompanied by my workplace friend in the hospital with all the cheesy wires plugged. 

From the day 3 years ago to the day 14 days ago, things have changed tremendously. From having an entire clan by my side that day, to 2 people next to me, things have miraculously changed. While lying on the bed in the Emergency or ICU ward, little do we know or think about who's waiting or praying or worried, but that glimpse you catch for a tiny second, the love that reflects out in their sparkly teary eyes, does matter. I would dare not deny that I miss that warmth and love, because, like hell I do. 

With 10 years of love and marriage though still at knee height to a grasshopper, the Not-So-Ordinary-Boy and I have become impenetrable to all the nonsense in life. We have both decided not to spare a single negative emotion or body surrounding us; that, including Asthma. Yet again, I had my Uma Pinni at rescue referring the best doctor available who can help us get rid of this annoyingly deadly condition. In these last 2-weeks, the calls she has made to check on me, the love showered and the confidence imparted has gotten me a swollen determination to be healthy- mentally and physically.

To her and many more people like her, would thank you suffice? In a world like today's, where people do not care to turn their heads and have deaf ears towards the ill(physically, mentally and financially), it is sparse to have someone who would monitor your well-being. Do not lose these loved-ones for anything in this world! They're beyond exquisite and they deserve the best of endearment in return.

Loads of love from The Not So Ordinary Boy and the Broken Heart Gemini Girl to all THE Uma Pinnis' in your lives.

P.S: It's not "just" Asthma. It's a horrible condition where the primary requisition(Oxygen) is blocked for an unbearably long duration. If you or anyone you know is suffering with this medical condition, please do not hesitate to reach out to me for any assistance or details. :)

Until next time I remember to blog, Adios Amigos! ;)

Women and Suicides - Series #3

Well, aren't these two the extreme subjects put together? Ain't one complicate enough that I wish to discuss the second one along with the first one on the same page? Foolish, Ain't I?

I don't wish to vent my feelings out through this blog today, instead, I wish you readers to help me understand few things which I failed to understand until this day! It might sound pretty silly, because, not just me, there are zillions of people who have ultimately given up to even try understanding these two subjects!

Wait, why am I referring to women and suicides as subjects? Isn't one the sole reason for existence and the other an indication of weakness?

Mother, she who is the reason for life, the teacher, the best critic, the only possible true friend and many more 'the's'. Sister, the chocolate snatcher, the secret-keeper, the best partner in crime. Again, many 'the's'. Well, wife! I have no clue what she is about! Though when I look up to my mom I understand that being a wife is about being the good soul, the understanding goddess and other complicated stuff like that! When a woman can be as perfect as this, with so many prefixes and adjectives added to her nature, why isn't she considered and accepted by the society, well, for the way she actually is?

Trying to ensure that everyone surrounding you is happy is a hell of a task, at least for me, IT IS! But most of the ladies I know do that effortlessly. In this tedious process of making people happy, do these woman, loose their self? Is it natural to feel unloved and vexed up for such woman who sacrifice everything in their lives for that curved lips on the faces of her loved ones?

Another big question that haunts me till date is that, why are woman considered to be weak physically when they do all the possible household chores flawlessly without seeking any assistance. Aren't we supposed to consider someone mentally weak when they are unable to voice out their likes and are willing to sacrifice their interests to any extent? Isn't this the real sign of weakness and something which is more severe when compared to the physical strengths we all boost around about! Instead, we take pride in talking about our ladies at home when they have sacrificed something for us. What a shame!

I am certain of the fact that the girls of this generation are very different from the ones of 90's at least. They are more independent, independent of emotions, finances, boundaries and drama! But when a girl of this caliber decides to end her life, is that still to be considered as her weakness? Weren't we the same lot appreciating her strengths, her laughter, her confidence and hell yea, her beauty!

She is a fun-loving, confident, proud and a beautiful girl. She draws line wherever it is required, she takes pride in rejecting proposals as she knows what she deserves; she does what has to be done without waiting for instructions. That's her, if you let her be the way she is, she is more than that, for you and for the society.

Getting down to the nasty blame games. We are all good critics with zero tolerance. We are happy to blame and hunt people down with all the possible guilt until and beyond they are tired, either to satisfy our ego or to prove a point merely. I vaguely remember, people pointing fingers at my grand-parents when my aunt passed away at a young age. To what depth do we intend to understand the situations before turning the filth in our mouths on? Zero, actually. Failure, death, wrong investment, unsuccessful venture, loss, crisis... aren't these the situations which need immense support rather than criticism?

Degrading a person or situation has never been proved to have done anything good to a person or a society. When we chose not to love someone or to stop loving someone, when we decide to terminate someone from their job, or even to push their buttons for no reason, are we also not trying to snatch their happiness from them for a duration in their short life?

To put things simple, we as a society, create these disturbances, get into stress and complicate our simple lives. Then, we again, discuss how one person got mean, just because he could handle things his way and found out a way for his problems. We, yet again, talk about the same person, if he chose to end his life, and call him, his family and may be everyone related to him all possible names without even knowing what exactly triggered this horrendous act.

When someone we know committed suicide, it's not them, it is we who are at fault; not once, but twice! Yes, you read that right. TWICE! Once, by being around but failing to understand how to help  that person get out of problems. And then, after the loss of a soul, we are keen to know what happened prior to that attempt for death. Isn't this a little sick?

Is it hard to imagine what would it be like to feel sad, to forget happiness and live a lifeless pretentious life? I feel it ain't that difficult, for the kind of lives we are living right now, with barely any friends(No, friends are not those "followers" on your social media accounts), hallucinating happiness and just dragging ourselves to the day until we leave the Planet Earth. When we know what that loneliness is about, why do we not hesitate to let others there? Are we so inhumanly insecure?

The lady in your house is a lovely soul. Respect her! She wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice her life for you! But would that mean you are entitled to snatch away her life. It really isn't hard to take care of someone who takes care of us. All it takes is some love. Love, that is it!

We always relate complicated and complex things with women. Is it because they are never understood or that we are not willing to put any efforts to understand them? Let me try making it simpler for my readers today! Women are not aliens! Trust me, we women, are NOT aliens and all it takes you to understand us, is some time, love and efforts(little, not much)! Now that you have read so far, I urge you to read until the end! That's me. Stubborn! I just made things easy for you. Now that you understand me with one sentence, you are on the path to excel. ( Trust me again, which I know you will, this is purely sarcastic, for I know, you would still fail to understand women, but I feel there is no harm in trying).

For starters, women are also beings like you, like your pets, like those trees, they are mere beings. Nothing astronomical runs her brains and nerves. It's the same fluid that runs in you too! When she asks for something, she needs it, it's that simple. When you have already given her what she has asked for and she ain't completely happy about it, ask. Ask her what is it that she is upset about. With women, everything, almost everything sorts easily when discussed.

When your lady is disheartened, unhappy or even upset with something, please do not fret. Try understanding what is it that is bothering her. We women are very sensitive, though some of us come across as very bold, deep down we are weak, mentally. We tend to take silly things to heart and shut ourselves for no reason that might seem practical to you.

Women are strong enough physically, well mentally, we are drained out by the atrocious society that we live in. If and only if we chose to walk past the norms of this society, we will be able to help ourselves.

P.S - this blog has been written a couple of months ago and is dedicated to Nikki! All those who know me would certainly have known her! And for those who dint get a chance to know her, she was a beautiful girl in and out with some crazy vibes always around spiced with vivid imaginations! Rest in Peace Nikki! 

The Broken Girl - Series #2

Most of the girlie interactions I've come across have one common concern expressed, 'insecurities'! Though I'm thoroughly happy with all my relations, I began to notice that, these conversations disturb my peace of mind a little, may be out of fear that is triggered with the high intense imagination of facing these situations in my life, and I've determined that the best way to overcome this is only by speaking out! 

This girl I knew for a very less duration often spoke of fidelity issues. A young girl next door loves a man who's about to be married to someone else. The woman at work-place confesses of an extra-marital affair as she's not being loved by her legit mate. A well-known lady speaks out  stating that she believes in being a free spirit and living her life as she is aware of her husband's girl friend. 

We women are very fragile! We are timid to let go the love, either for the fear of losing the presumed right love or because of our low self-esteem! Weirdly enough, we are even scared to confess our feelings. Out of these insecurities, I see most of the women tending to ruin the essence of other relations creating disturbances from within. 

Dear woman, 

Never fear walking away when hurt. When he holds you firm and apologizes without you seeking for it, he's the man you might want to wait for. 

When he isn't really concerned about the distance being created, or if he hasn't noticed that you're upset, confess your feelings to him, try discussing about matters that hurt you. There is no harm in taking that initiative for the one you love. 

If he never makes an attempt to understand, my lady, you're an angel! You deserve love, like any other woman on this holy planet. Give your heart another bold chance and walk away! 

It's okay not to be loved but it is NOT okay if you're not respected. Never forget that you get treated the way you let others treat you! 

P.S - This blog is not inclined towards a specific person and is written in general relating the multiple conversations I had with the women I know. No offence intended!

The Broken Girl Series #1

Disclaimer : This blog is being written by a girl who has aggressive mood swings and who speaks her mind and heart out fearlessly!

I am a girl; a girl with a broken heart! Like any other girl, I've been dreaming of a dream wedding since the day I turned 18. Everything from my attire, jewellery, makeup, hairdo, invitation card design, hall decoration, the welcome board, food menu, music, just everything, has been planned, re-planned and modified a zillion times in my head! I've all these so perfectly planned that they flash in front of my eyes in a crystal clear form!

Yet again, like any other ordinary girl, I fell in love with a not so ordinary boy. Here on I learnt everything new! Castes, finances, statuses, politics, what not! Everything that my parents kept me ignorant from has suddenly become a mandatory learning in my life! Prominence of castes and caste systems in India; I can now pen down some great articles on this topic precisely!

Whilst he's still struggling to convince his brother about marrying me, I fail to understand, what this hype is all about! In a generation where gay marriages are legal, why am I still waiting for a nod from a guy, who barely knows me, no, not barely! who doesn't know me at all and hasn't even spoken to me!

With all this drama moving on a full swing in my life, taking an uninvited invitation would be arriving, my birthday, in just another couple of days! Me being the crazy me as always, decided to surprise myself with a surprise birthday party! Being an extremely reserved person and a very confined friends list, I decided to send out messages to all of these important ladies in my life!

While my head and heart are continuously struggling to understand the caste system logic, something more intense strikes my feelings hard. Rock hard I must say, real hard! With all the invitations for my surprise birthday party being sent and with the caste system analysis running constantly in my mind, I forgot to keep myself prepared for the kind of responses that I would be receiving for the invitations which I sent across.

Out of the very few invitations I sent, except for 4 to be precise, everyone else were keen to know when would I be sending a wedding invitation in the place of a birthday invitation and if I ever have plans of getting married at all! While being this rude and insensitive, what people do not wish to realise is that I am a girl facing my own concerns on a daily basis and fighting my own battles for getting married with nobody else to support!

Alas! This society I tell you!

This brings me to the end of the blog, where I sadly announce that my "surprise" Birthday party has been cancelled!

P.S - my birthday is on June 12th. Feel free to wish me only and only if you are not interested to know my wedding date!