The Bird That Couldn't Fly

We are half way through this miraculous year yet another half to get through. How many of us would survive this and come out strong is a thought that lingers in my mind round the clock. Call it mid-week madness or long held frustration, I really had to vent my feelings out before they erupt in a recalcitrant manner. What better way to share them, than through this channel!

In my previous blog, I mentioned that I am going to be a fine feather this decade and that my glorifying personality helps me move on from disappointing things in a jiffy. To all this that I have written, I just want to ask myself - WHOM WAS I KIDDING? I had a nervous breakdown and couldn't come to terms on certain aspects of life until I was forced to accept the changes and of course, move on. Well, I am proud that I sought help. But, but, but, where does that leave me now? I have no clue!

Those of you who know me for a longer duration would be well aware of the fact that I don't stay at a place which isn't healthy, positive or happy. I never was someone who stands somewhere that disrupted my happiness. Yet, here I am, stuck at an organisation from the past couple of months because I thought this is the process of growing up. At least that is what I was told. You stay, adjust, adapt and never quit. These methods and thoughts that people induce in our heads find me lost, most of the times. 

I fail to understand how are we growing up when we are not courageous enough to quit something we don't like, move away from people that are toxic, walk out from situations that are hostile and the inability to gift ourselves the tranquility that we deserve. Well, this just makes me wonder, are all those stipulated rules that we have been taught to abide by, all the rituals that were enforced upon, all the believes that were thrust on, of any good? Do we obey the practices taught just to please the society and assure ourselves that we belong, like the rest of them do? Or do we really understand most of these and observe them out of respect?

I have been humored on multiple occasions by many a people for switching jobs and career way too often, however, that sarcasm never bothered me; for, I was always a happy soul and my focus has always been a merry mind. Switch and swap gave me a long run of delightful life, until I fell for these traps of "growing up". I feel I was grown up before, where I knew my priority was me and my content. Now, it feels like life is taking me backwards and I am struggling to find my foot and pace with it in the right direction; the direction that brings in nothing but cheerfulness. 

One might feel it's mindless to pursue nothing but happiness and may also suggest that it is not possible to lead a gleeful life forever. As someone who had once achieved this, I know for a fact that it is nothing that cannot be executed. The determination, direction and strength, would take us a long way, farther away and beyond. Like Swamy Vivekanada said and I quote, our thoughts travel faster than that of words and we are what our thoughts have made us. Well, my thoughts are pertaining to happiness and happiness alone, at all times. I beseech the contentment for The Not So Ordinary Boy, Simba and I, now and forever; health and prosperity would instinctively follow.

Well, with all this mighty gyaan one must wonder why I am still holding myself back at a place I am not keen about. The answer I am unaware of either. The real challenge to self is to understand for how many more months or years(hopefully not) would I be able to prioritize these mediocre things over what is more important for me! 

Next time we catch up, I hope and wish I started to "grow-up" like I once did years ago! Until then, adios amigos! Take care and don't let Corona eat you up physically or mentally. We will all meet at the other side soon. :)

The Broken Girl - Series #4

I knew it was a long time since I last blogged but little did I know that my old blog belonged to an older era altogether.

From blogging, my passion drifted to photography and then to cooking, to doodling and now felt the sudden urge to blog again! Well.. I have segmented my interests into various pockets and developed an intense determination that I would pursue all these in an unbiased form. That being that! 

What motivated me to blog today was my morning's protein shake in which I lavishly added the King of Fruits. Post my Asthma diagnosis, I was asked by the medical supervisors to stay away from all the seasonal fruits and vegetables. Due to which, I haven't had the chance to even nibble mango for over 3 years now. However, since the last 2 weeks, I have consumed all the god damn food which I was asked to avoid and had the royal bites of everything edible within my reach. 

When my Asthma first triggered, we weren't even aware that it was Asthma. The cough, sputum, dizziness, none of it made any sense to us, until my mom decided to send me to a family doctor who again was, unfortunately and unexpectedly unavailable. That fugitive transit to the clinic and back home had an adverse affect though. While huffing and puffing with congestion, my aunt, whom I dearly refer to as "Uma Pinni", was the one who rightly identified the condition to be Asthma. 

By the time the diagnosis was done and I was rushed to the hospital, I was completely breathless with my body gazing at the world in it's ink-blue color. From that day, I have come very far now. All that day gives me is, shivers and goosebumps. Not to this horrendous extent, but a minute trigger scared the hell out of me a fortnight ago. My husband(well, the Not-So-Ordinary-Boy and I got married, FINALLY) had to rush from work while I was accompanied by my workplace friend in the hospital with all the cheesy wires plugged. 

From the day 3 years ago to the day 14 days ago, things have changed tremendously. From having an entire clan by my side that day, to 2 people next to me, things have miraculously changed. While lying on the bed in the Emergency or ICU ward, little do we know or think about who's waiting or praying or worried, but that glimpse you catch for a tiny second, the love that reflects out in their sparkly teary eyes, does matter. I would dare not deny that I miss that warmth and love, because, like hell I do. 

With 10 years of love and marriage though still at knee height to a grasshopper, the Not-So-Ordinary-Boy and I have become impenetrable to all the nonsense in life. We have both decided not to spare a single negative emotion or body surrounding us; that, including Asthma. Yet again, I had my Uma Pinni at rescue referring the best doctor available who can help us get rid of this annoyingly deadly condition. In these last 2-weeks, the calls she has made to check on me, the love showered and the confidence imparted has gotten me a swollen determination to be healthy- mentally and physically.

To her and many more people like her, would thank you suffice? In a world like today's, where people do not care to turn their heads and have deaf ears towards the ill(physically, mentally and financially), it is sparse to have someone who would monitor your well-being. Do not lose these loved-ones for anything in this world! They're beyond exquisite and they deserve the best of endearment in return.

Loads of love from The Not So Ordinary Boy and the Broken Heart Gemini Girl to all THE Uma Pinnis' in your lives.

P.S: It's not "just" Asthma. It's a horrible condition where the primary requisition(Oxygen) is blocked for an unbearably long duration. If you or anyone you know is suffering with this medical condition, please do not hesitate to reach out to me for any assistance or details. :)

Until next time I remember to blog, Adios Amigos! ;)